Could it be hazing? How to spot the red flags

Your student or friend comes home from college for the weekend and seems off. They appear withdrawn, exhausted, glued to their phone. They may cancel plans or brush off strange injuries.

Those changes are worth paying attention to.

Many students don't recognize what they're experiencing is hazing until it's already taken a toll mentally, emotionally, or physically. Others know something isn't right but worry about letting their teammates down or being ostracized. Students often minimize what happened or feel conflicted about their experience because they don’t want to get the group in trouble.

Friends, roommates, teammates, and family members are often the first to notice behavior changes that may signal hazing is happening. Here are some red flags to watch for and questions to ask to support your friend or child.

How do I know something is wrong or more than just college stress?

Parents and friends may be looking for dramatic physical abuse, but the warning signs of hazing are often much more subtle.

Instead of looking for one obvious red flag, pay attention to patterns and changes in the person’s behavior, health, or routine.

"Many students often want to share or talk about what they are going through, but feel pressure from the group to stay silent,” said Laura Santacrose, research and practice consultant at StopHazing.org. “Hazing thrives in secrecy. Parents, family members, and friends can play an important role in talking with their friend or loved one about their experiences joining or maintaining membership in groups, teams, or organizations. Be curious and ask open-ended questions to learn more about their experiences."

Consider the timing of these changes, too. Are these signs happening outside of normal high-stress periods such as mid-terms or finals? If so, something serious may be going on.

Physical warning signs

You might notice:

• Extreme fatigue.
• Bruises, cuts, burns, or unexplained injuries.
• Difficulty walking or moving after practices or meetings.
• Frequent vomiting or stomach issues.
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits.
• Signs of heavy alcohol use or alcohol poisoning.

These signs can come from dangerous physical activities, sleep deprivation, unusual food consumption, binge drinking, or sexual trauma.

Emotional warning signs

Someone experiencing hazing may seem:

• More anxious than usual.
• Irritable or angry.
• Embarrassed or ashamed.
• Depressed or hopeless.
• Emotionally withdrawn.
• Defensive.
• Self-blaming.
• Less confident than usual.

You may also notice they stop spending time with family or longtime friends, especially if they're being pressured to devote all of their time to a new group.

Changes in school or daily life

Watch for changes like:

• Skipping class.
• Falling grades.
• Constantly saying they're "busy" or unavailable.
• Carrying unusual objects or completing strange errands.
• Spending unexpected amounts of money.
• Increased alcohol or drug use.
• Suddenly becoming secretive about where they've been, who they've been with, or what they’ve been doing.

One change on its own may not mean much, but several changes happening at once — especially during recruitment or new member periods — deserve attention.

How do I ask someone if they’re experiencing hazing?

This can be difficult, especially if your student or friend is guarded about their experiences. It is important not to jump right into a challenging question like “Are you being hazed?” Instead, lead with curiosity.

Try saying things like:

• "I've noticed you seem really exhausted lately. How are you really doing?"
• "How’s your experience been so far on your team or in your student organization?"
• "Has anything surprised you about the process?"
• "Have there been any annoying or uncomfortable tasks you’ve had to do as a part of joining or maintaining your membership??"
• "Do you feel like you can say no to group or team activities?"
• "Is there anything you've been keeping to yourself because you feel like you have to?"

These questions create space for honest conversation without making them feel defensive. It is important not to interrupt or criticize. Those experiencing hazing may already be experiencing shame, embarrassment, fear, or pressure, and a supportive response can make all the difference.

Try responses like:

• "I'm really glad you told me."
• "Thank you for trusting me with that information."
• "You don't deserve to be treated that way."
• "I'm here to help you figure out what to do next."

Avoid saying things like "Why didn't you just leave?" or "It sounds like everyone has to go through that" or "It doesn’t sound that bad."

Listen carefully to what they're saying.

Someone experiencing hazing might say things like:

• "It's almost over."
• "I don't really want to talk about it."
• "Everyone has to do it."
• "They told us not to tell anyone."
• "I don't want to get anyone in trouble."
• "I've already made it this far."
• “Part of me wants to prove to myself that I can take it.”

These statements reflect pressure, secrecy, and fear.

What students can do

• Seek confidential medical care if someone has been injured or is showing signs of alcohol poisoning or another medical emergency.
• Consider speaking with a confidential resource to process the experience and support your well-being (e.g., mental health services on campus or a Victim Advocacy program on campus).
• Talk to someone you trust (e.g., a faculty member, advisor or coach)
• Learn how to report an incident at your institution.

What parents or family members can do

It’s okay not to have all the right answers. It is very important to keep the lines of communication open with your student.

Check in regularly. Ask about your student's experiences at school — not just about their classes, but who they spend time with and how those relationships make them feel.

If something seems off, trust your instincts.

Get familiar with your student's campus hazing policy and reporting process.The HazingInfo Campus Hazing Database makes it easy to search your student’s school and find each school’s hazing policy, Campus Hazing Transparency Report, and ways to report hazing, as well as its recent record of reported hazing incidents.

College is a major time of adjustment and can lead to normal stressors and fatigue. But when multiple symptoms overlap, it is important to check in. When in doubt, trust your instincts and start a conversation about what you’ve observed.